First people, I had to do a quick port to WordPress please.
Blogspot wahala became way too much. Then I decided to check WP out and realized it is actually cooler and simpler. Life is not this Blogger-complicated please. Thank you to all who had been acting as WP Voltrons here on my blog.
So welcome to my fresh page on WordPress. I have to find a way to move my old articles AND the comments here. I hope that is possible. I would also like to host my own Domain name. for some reason, my cards are not working. Both US and Nigeria. Because of anonymity, I have to be careful who I can ask to help. Agh!!! Please WP Bloggers who have hosted their own domain names, HELP!!!
Ok this post is long overdue so I would get to it already… I have been editing and editing to make sure I do not blow my cover. Hopefully, this final piece would still pass the message across as my story without any damage. I don’t think most people I know read me yet but still… #CantBeTooCareful
I recall my dating years. In College, I was your Poster girl for Miss Popular and I had a number of friends with whom I rolled. I was bornagain (I still am of course) and so were my friends BUT still… I let them in on WAY TOO MUCH about my relationship. It looked like WE were all dating my husband (Intended then) together. Whenever he read my messages, or overheard me on the Phone, he would always tell me very nicely that he felt we discussed too much.
Now don’t get me wrong. It is NOT wrong to have great girlfriends’ time outs with the girls and discus ‘stuff’ but I didn’t know where to draw the line. If I had a quarrel, bang, I was gisting my friends. If we had challenges with maintaining physical boundaries (within the recommendations of the Bible), I would spill to a friend at least.
Lesson: Err, NOPE. No guy wants this out there at all.
Infact, I made so many wrong moves ooo.
Then something happened that changed me. I had a major fall out with my intended. Marriage was drawing near at the time. I totally went incommunicado. He it was who hurt me (Now that I think back though, I think I over reacted) and he tried so much to reach me. No way. I had of course gisted EVERYONE and their dogs what happened. Ok I gisted like 3 of my friends. We were in different states and he had to fly to my state and started a local ‘D-hunt’. He had to use my friends, two of the three worked in the same town as I did but I had some time off work so he couldn’t just trail me to work. Infact, I made myself totally incommunicado. Finally, one friend managed to pull some James Bond and helped him locate me. Like I said, he was in the wrong and I had cut him to bite size pieces with my friends (Dear God, thank you for helping me TOSS my caustic tongue). One friend was wise. She knew he was wrong. She made me understand that he didn’t know that would hurt me that much. She preached and harassed me to at least hear him out. I mean, she just knew my intended and I have an amazing thing going and forgiveness is a part of this package so babe, GO WORK IT OUT. The second friend? Ah, she cut him to size just like I did. And to his face. She said something like ‘If I was D, I would have dealt with you/been even angrier/etc…’ Still Mr. D knew he needed her to reach me so he put up with her. End of the day, both friends were a part of the ‘D Make-up party’. Peace returned and so did all the ‘I-can’t-leave-without-you’ kinda love. But, I now began to ‘resent’ that friend who DARED to help me fight my intended. I mean, who send you lol. Overtime tho, I forgave her BUT Mr. D till today doesn’t like her as much and I am sure he wouldn’t mind if we stopped being friends. I mean, his relationship with her just nose-dived and you know how this thing is with couples’? I knew he didn’t dig her so much anymore and soon my relationship with her started to weaken. I mean, we are still friends ooo but I can’t discus even the most trivial things with her.
I also learnt a HUGE lesson. How you treat your partner is most often how your friends would treat him too. Women especially. I dunno if men have as much problems. But we women have to be careful on stuff we share with our girlfriends about our relationship because aside from the fact that MOST MEN MIND having their business out there, we also don’t want our friends to treat our men anyhow. You certainly don’t want any girl cutting your man down. Not cool at all. Friends too also need to be careful as per how they handle gist. If possible, don’t be super interested in all the details and be sure not to take unnecessary sides especially if that friendship is important to you…
Prov 4:7 Wisdom is the principal thing… And with all thy getting, get understanding.
I learnt this lesson a sad way. I still had to speak to a senior mentor. Every relationship needs a mentor please. A Christian Mature godly Christian very godly etc mentor. Preferably a Couple. I needed to know where to draw the So he told me that it really wasn’t a problem talking to friends BUT I had to ask myself WHY I was doing that. Was it just for gisting sake? Or to get counsel? If it is for the former, then maybe you should zip it. If it is for the latter, be sure you are talking to someone who has a higher level of knowledge than you and is not afraid to tell you the hard truth no matter what, not just some girl who would indulge all your excesses.
Today, do I still talk? Yes I do. But with plenty of wisdom. I talk first to Mr. D. we talk and argue talk and argue talk about it. Where we both agree we need someone else, a superior knowledge, then I talk to another godly mentor/couple. I don’t just talk for talking sake. I won’t say I am perfect yet but I am well on Track RIGHT…
I hope this blessed you. I love to hear from you. Drop a comment. Mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org and if there is any topic you want me to handle or any question you want me to ask, feel free to holler.
I should do my SEX post already. Remember the one I mentioned in the last Post on Blogger here
Keep living life by the BOOK dar’ins
It totally works…